Posts Tagged ‘codependency’
How to Apologize: Mastering the Language of Apologies
Apologizing is such a complicated topic for those of us with codependent, perfectionist, and people-pleasing thought habits. Our brains got wired early to protect and defend our sometimes fragile-feeling sense of self by not taking responsibility and pushing away the notion that we could do something that someone else doesn’t like, or is offended or…
Read MoreThe Dangers of False Pre-Apologizing
Do you find yourself apologizing for having needs and wants? For setting a boundary? For taking care of yourself? Do you over-justify those needs and wants along the way? Do you apologize for things that just don’t need an apology like being a human with a human body or a woman with an opinion? So…
Read MoreWhen You Stop People-Pleasing, People Aren’t Pleased! And that’s okay
When people are accustomed to you putting their needs and wants and whims ahead of yours, they likely won’t be delighted when you start to heal, grow and learn to put yourself first. the people-you-used-to-pleased may have some feels about that… and that’s okay. truly. i didn’t say it would be…
Read MoreRoot Causes of Why We People Please
When we are focusing on pleasing other people, the irony is in that moment, we’re usually not actually pleasing ourselves. We’re putting other people’s wants, desires, joy, happiness, as we imagine it, ahead of our own. This people pleasing habit often comes from our childhood, from a deep mammalian need and desire to feel safe…
Read MoreSelf-Confidence: How to Believe in Yourself
Self-confidence is this funny thing. It can seem like some people are just born with it and some of us, well, just aren’t. Some of us may come off as quite gregarious on the outside, but inside may spend our lives second- guessing, doubting, questioning ourselves. My love, no one’s just born being self-confident. Self-confidence…
Read MoreLetting Go of Resentment: It’s Not Personal
Resentment is a powerful siren song. For a moment when you feel hurt, it feels so good to blame someone else for how you feel, to tear them down, defending yourself. “She’s a monster,” you mutter under your breath. “She’s the worst.” But the thing about sirens is that they only lead your ship to…
Read MoreAntidotes to Control: Focus on What You Can Choose
It’s alluring to think we can control anything other than ourselves, that telling others what to do, how to do it, when, where, and why will help you to feel less out of control. But nothing could be farther from the truth, my love. Seeking control leaves you feeling out of control. There are ways…
Read MoreUnderstanding Your Desire to Control
Control is the cousin of uncertainty thinking. This thought habit doesn’t serve you, my darling one, but comes from a place of self-love nonetheless. While you can’t control the world, the thing you can control is so important to be conscious of. To have and hold at top of mind. And that, my darling, is…
Read MorePerfectionism: Why B+ Work is Key to Healing
Perfectionism is a sneaky little thought habit indeed. It keeps us running in a perpetual hamster wheel of self-doubt, self-loathing, and never enoughness. So what is perfectionism? And how do we know if perfectionist thinking is what’s driving us? How can we distinguish goal- setting, ambition, desire, passion for our work, from perfectionism? Perfectionist thought…
Read MoreBegin to Heal Intergenerational Codependency
Codependent thinking habits can be so ingrained in us that we don’t even recognize when we’re having them. Putting others before ourselves and caring more about what other people think of us than what we think of ourselves are classic signs of codependency. And while codependent thinking is so often thought to be the product…
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