When You Stop People-Pleasing, People Aren’t Pleased! And that’s okay
When people are accustomed to you putting their needs and wants and whims ahead of yours, they likely won’t be delighted when you start to heal, grow and learn to put yourself first.
the people-you-used-to-pleased may have some feels about that…
and that’s okay.
i didn’t say it would be cozy or comfy or easy…!!
but in my life, it’s been sooooo much more uncomfortable to keep doing what I don’t want to do to try to make other people happy
to try to live my life to try to meet other people’s expectations for my life
to live by other people’s rules and wants for MY one human life (this go round)
because allll of that leads to boatloads of resentment, and resentment feels like garbage.
it’s like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies, as the old saying goes.
so the work here starts with awareness: is to get in touch with what YOU actually want in your own life, on your own terms
to accept that you’ve had the thought habit of people-pleasing, likely as a childhood survival skill
to accept that people won’t be thrilled when you stop putting their needs first
to get real with that fact
and then you get to take action
to use your prefrontal cortex to choose a thought ahead of time to help you hold tight to your boundaries
a thought like: me first, you second, with love.
and you get to practice that thought until you can believe it.
for more about people-pleasing and ways to support yourself to move on through this harmful thought-habit,
🎙️📱listen to episodes 67-70 of the Feminist Wellness Podcast, free wherever you get your shows.
Victoria Albina, NP, MPH is a licensed and board certified Family Nurse Practitioner, herbalist and life coach, with 20 years experience in health and wellness. She trained at the University of California, San Francisco, and holds a Masters in Public Health from Boston University and a bachelors from Oberlin College. She comes to this work having been a patient herself, and having healed from a lifetime of IBS, GERD, SIBO, fatigue, depression and anxiety.
She is passionate about her work, and loves supporting patients in a truly holistic way - body, mind, heart and spirit. A native of Mar del Plata, Argentina, she grew up in the great state of Rhode Island, and lives in NYC with her partner. A brown dog named Frankie Bacon has her heart, and she lives for steak and a good dark chocolate.