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managing your mind

The Perfect Time for Your Dreams is Now

Time for dreams is now

Does your brain love to tell you to wait? To not do that thing you dream of until your ducks are all in a tidy row, until the time is right, until the stars are perfectly aligned? Whether you defer your dreams for that most perfect moment, struggling to take action towards your goals, or…

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Believing in Your Goals, Believing in Yourself

Belief in yourself

Here we are, but a few little minutes away from New Year’s, and the potentially crushing weight of that silly tradition of New Year’s resolutions, which let’s be real, just don’t work. Don’t lead to real change in our lives, and particularly for my perfectionist thinkers out there, I see you. The fantasy-level resolutions our…

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6 Steps to a Healthy and Meaningful Apology

6 Steps to a Healthy and Meaningful Apology

We apologize to reconnect, to repair, to stitch back together the net of relationships that was made weaker by something we said or did. We apologize because love and peace and understanding feel amazing, and being radically honest with ourselves and those we love about where we’ve F’ed up is so freeing. To do that,…

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Anatomy of an Apology

Anatomy of an Apology

There is a quiet epidemic I’ve noticed in my life coaching clients and saw in my patients, particularly my patients with GI issues. An epidemic of shame and guilt that keeps folks feeling small and from living into our truest power. That epidemic is summed up in two words, “I’m sorry.” I want to talk…

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Accepting Our Racist Biases

For many White and White-passing folx starting the working of becoming anti-racist, we become so scared 😨 to do or say the wrong thing that we don’t do the work because we get stuck in that activated fear body.⁠ ⁠ And that’s where the work needs to start, to learn to be okay with being…

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Co-regulation

Co-regulation is a vital human function.⁣⁠⁣ ⁣ Co-regulation happens when our autonomic nervous systems attune to another person, and there is an energetic exchange that helps both creatures to get into ventral vagal, to feel safe, secure and grounded in the moment.⁣⁠⁣ ⁣⁠⁣ I say creatures because while most of us think of this as…

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Bypassing a Challenging Feelings Makes it SO Much Harder to Change

If you’re White or White-passing and you’re starting to do the work of becoming anti-racist, you may feel a sense of urgency to change your thoughts 💭.⁠ ⁠ This is an attempt to create different feelings without really sitting with the painful 😖 truth.⁠ ⁠ It’s called emotional bypassing ⏭️.⁠ ⁠ And that simply doesn’t…

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Emotional Childhood

Emotional Childhood

As children, we have limited capacity to control our emotions, and even less ability to take ownership over our behavior. Because we’re kiddos – and developmentally, we just aren’t there yet. As physical adults, we can easily slip back into an emotionally childlike state where our inner child is calling the shots, keeping us from…

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Inner Child

Inner Child

In childhood, we learned to survive, to please our parents, our teachers, to label our behavior internally as either all good or all bad and to make it mean something about us as beings. We learned to think in black and white ways because that’s what children do, and to judge ourselves where we fell…

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You’re a Human Being Not a Human Doing

Slow down the busy

  Self-love and self-care are such common buzzwords right now. If your social media feed is anything like mine, it’s full up on posts about self-care and the best ways to do it. And it often seems to involve lying on some perfect Grecian island with cucumbers on your eyes wrapped in seaweed as your…

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