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Co-regulation
Co-regulation is a vital human function. Co-regulation happens when our autonomic nervous systems attune to another person, and there is an energetic exchange that helps both creatures to get into ventral vagal, to feel safe, secure and grounded in the moment. I say creatures because while most of us think of this as…
Read MoreBypassing a Challenging Feelings Makes it SO Much Harder to Change
If you’re White or White-passing and you’re starting to do the work of becoming anti-racist, you may feel a sense of urgency to change your thoughts ?. This is an attempt to create different feelings without really sitting with the painful ? truth. It’s called emotional bypassing ⏭️. And that simply doesn’t…
Read MoreThe Fixer Thought Fantasy: You Can’t Fix Folks
Have you ever found yourself telling someone else what they should do to fix their life? How they should be living? How their life would be so much better if they just followed your plan, especially when they didn’t ask you for your input? This, my love, is the fixer thought fantasy, and it’s one…
Read MoreWhen You Stop People Pleasing and People Aren’t Pleased
We’ve talked a lot about people-pleasing in this blog. That insidious habit of thinking that we can affect or change how someone else thinks or feels about us by trying to read their mind, do what we think they want to us, which is always a projection of our own internal landscape. Your thoughts…
Read MoreThe Power of Thought Work in Becoming an Anti-Racist Ally and Accomplice
Today we’re going to get really real about racism. As a white Latina, working every day to understand, examine, and unlearn my own anti-black racism, to unpack and get clear on my own daily privilege. The privilege of passing and code switching and moving seamlessly between the white world and the Latinx world. I offer…
Read MoreHow to Interrupt the People-Pleasing Cycle
My love, this blog goes live on June 4th 2020, on the heels of the murder of George Floyd, amidst national protests around systemic racism in the US. I thought a lot about whether or not to publish a blog this week, and I decided to put this out there, remedies to people pleasing, because…
Read MoreRoot Causes of Why We People Please
When we are focusing on pleasing other people, the irony is in that moment, we’re usually not actually pleasing ourselves. We’re putting other people’s wants, desires, joy, happiness, as we imagine it, ahead of our own. This people pleasing habit often comes from our childhood, from a deep mammalian need and desire to feel safe…
Read MoreCompare and Despair: How to Release Judgement
Do you ever hear about a friend’s achievements and your heart sinks? You’re totally happy for them, but something within you starts wondering why you didn’t get that job, that engagement proposal, why you didn’t reach that goal or milestone in the same timeframe that they did. This is called compare and despair. Your brain starts…
Read MoreEmotional Childhood
As children, we have limited capacity to control our emotions, and even less ability to take ownership over our behavior. Because we’re kiddos – and developmentally, we just aren’t there yet. As physical adults, we can easily slip back into an emotionally childlike state where our inner child is calling the shots, keeping us from…
Read MoreSelf-Confidence: How to Believe in Yourself
Self-confidence is this funny thing. It can seem like some people are just born with it and some of us, well, just aren’t. Some of us may come off as quite gregarious on the outside, but inside may spend our lives second- guessing, doubting, questioning ourselves. My love, no one’s just born being self-confident. Self-confidence…
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