Ep #294: Getting Anchored with Hedy

This is Feminist Wellness, and I’m your host, Nurse Practitioner, Functional Medicine expert, and life coach Victoria Albina. I’ll show you how to get unstuck, drop the anxiety, perfectionism, and codependency so you can live from your beautiful heart. Welcome, my love, let’s get started.

Hello, hello, my love. I hope this finds you doing so well.

One of the things I find most inspiring in this entire world is when people take a chance on themselves and say, “You know what? The way I've been living, the way I am living, it's not adding up. It's not measuring up. It's no longer enough. I want to live life differently. I want to dedicate myself in a new way; to expanding, to growing, to living life differently.”

And that is what each and every one of the incredible humans who has said yes to joining Anchored has done for themselves; has said, “Yes, I'll take a chance on me. I will put in the time, put in the effort, put in the resources and show up, and look at the parts of myself that I have not wanted to look at. I will do this work to get coached, to show up in community, to be vulnerable, to be open.”

And wow, the changes in their lives on the other side are so profoundly inspiring. I cannot believe my good fortune each and every day that I get to work with these incredible humans. I am honored and privileged and truly astounded and grateful. So, so, so grateful.

So it is with endless joy and delight that I bring you stories from Anchored alumni, because their stories really matter, because their stories are your story, my story, right? If you're listening to Feminist Wellness, it's probably because emotional outsourcing, codependent, perfectionist and people-pleasing habits are a part of your life, and you'd probably rather live without those habits, right?

I mean, I did not enjoy being mired in them, I must say. And so having a model of someone who said yes to changing every part of their lives, and hearing all about how amazing life is now on the other side, it's exactly the medicine I needed when I was so deep in emotional outsourcing. It was a lot of work to find it.

And so I am thrilled to be sharing exactly these stories. This week we are talking to Hedy. In a few weeks, Ali Zamora will be coming back to share a follow-up, it's been two years since she was in Anchored, and to tell us how things are now, right?

Because I take pride in the fact that the tools and the skills you gain in Anchored are sustainable. It's not a flash-in-the-pan thing where you feel better for the six months you're in the program and then… Come on now, who's got time for that? Nobody. This work is sustainable. The change is sustainable. And Ali's going to come talk to us all about that. So for today, please enjoy this conversation with Hedy.

If you're not following or subscribed to the show, take a moment now to make sure you are so you don't miss a thing. These conversations are so powerful, so potent. I don't want you to miss them. This is a big place where I make announcements. I'm doing a lot of really beautiful webinars, workshops. I don't want you to miss a thing. So don't.

All right, my angels, without further ado, Hedy.

Victoria Albina: All right, Hedy, I'm so excited to be here with you today.

Hedy: I am too. Hi.

Victoria: Hi. I would love it if you could start us off by introducing yourself.

Hedy: Sure. My name is Hedy. I live in the big city of Chicago and work a full-time job, and I'm also a full-time mom for a beautiful, smart, delightful, grounded 15-year-old. That could change tomorrow, but yeah, today, for today, all those things are true. I’m also a dog mommy for a precious creature named Benny.

Came to Anchored, I think, April 2021. But you know, it's interesting. Even that in one year… Here I am thinking it's two years, just because of the growth and experience I see in myself, and I feel, is so profound. I’m just jumping why I came to Anchored. I could just really relate to something I heard you talk about, about codependency.

I watched coaching you did with someone. You invited guests to come watch, and I immediately could relate to what was being shared. And thought, “I'm on the road to learning about these habits and patterns I see in myself, and I'm probably going to get there. I could do this program and really accelerate. Let me look into it.” So yeah, here I am.

Victoria: Here you are. So where were you in your life? What were you struggling with? What did you want to have changed when you came into Anchored?

Hedy: I had friction at home with my daughter and trying to get her to do what I wanted. I have a larger vocabulary around that today. I understand that that's about me feeling out of control. And when I do, I try to control what's around me and what I think I can’t control. And that created a lot of friction. It really wasn't her; it was me and how I was feeling. So definitely that was one piece.

And then I was in a relationship that I knew, cognitively… I heard myself say out loud to my best friends on walks that I wanted to exit. I was afraid of doing so, and I was just kind of waiting, I think, for maybe him to do something, or whether it's a waiting or just stalling.

So I was just in these two very close relationships and really dissatisfied in my life amongst other things. But those were the two big issues that I really even addressed right away in the program.

Victoria: Reins are so interesting, right? How we, from our codependent habits, we'll try to puppet master in one relationship and we'll totally give over our power and our agency in another, simultaneously.

Hedy: Right. Acting the way I acted, I was out of control. And here I was trying to be in control.

Victoria: Right, right, right. So how did things shift in those two relationships?

Hedy: I'd say I got honest right away with the romantic relationship I was in, and I'm very grateful for that. I can see now that that wasn't honest. I wanted to live more authentically and I wasn't. I freed myself, and I freed him from whatever kind of thing was playing out between us. And that took a few weeks versus like more months.

I remember the primary pivot for me was just, I think, some mirroring or reflection that I did with you about me being concerned about the way he was going to feel. And that really could be a whole chapter of my recovery in Anchored; of being so consumed... and hours and energy of journaling and talking and thinking and not sleeping and thinking again, losing time over other people's feelings and reactions to my choice.

I know that if I'm coming from love for myself, and not out of anger or out of fear, things are okay. They have worked out. That relationship ending was not at all dramatic. Every other one I've been in has been, because I see it coming from fear or anger. So I'm very grateful, very, very grateful for that.

And then I came, with my daughter, to just catching myself. That came with awareness; which I believe was the beginning of the program. And also, I think, your first podcast. I wasn't a Feminist Wellness subscriber, or didn't know your podcast before that. I think that was your first podcast. And I started listening to them, of course.

Being my own watcher. And so with my daughter, of course with anything I want to pay attention to in my life, it starts with paying attention. My mouth is open to speak, and then I close it because I'm like, “Oh.” Because a lot of times, what I want to say is about directing her to do what I think should come next. The way I think things should go.

It's been amazing, because she has had her successes and her setbacks, and grown from all of them. I get to watch and support and guide. Don't get me wrong, I'm still guiding. I'm still presenting like, “Hey, I think you should find a community service or commitment you can be connected to that's just yours.”

And learning one of the things I learned from you in Anchored was about projects and scheduling and tasking; breaking things down into step by step. Giving her that guidance and saying, “So how do we break this down?” And then her scheduling it out. And something I thought should take one month... I gave her like a month, by the end of March… okay, it took till May but it's happening.

She had her orientation last week, and she's going on Wednesday to the actual site to meet with them. The friction that used to exist, or can exist again if I choose to let it, with me controlling and really trying to control the outcome, it just didn't exist with this. And it's such a beautiful example for me of supporting her and guiding her, versus directing her and then having these consequences. The way I would act disappointed. And she can do this. I mean, she's 15. She can do it.

Victoria: It's so ironic, right? The more we try to control everything in our life, so that it'll prove our worth and we can attempt to feel safe in that process, generally turns out the literal opposite, right?

Hedy: The literal opposite. And I like how you brought up ‘to prove our worth,’ because there's something behind all of this. I didn't even get to that, I wouldn't have, that your technique with the thought protocol, I think, gets to that deeper part. Because it's about feeling, what am I making this about?

Like some of the questions you posit are, what am I making this mean about me? Or I love one of the ones that you've used for me that was powerful was, where am I wrong? Where am I thinking I'm wrong in this? So with this one, with my worth, yeah, because then I also want credit.

And I noticed that recently. Where her dad was like, “Good for her.” There was a part of me that was like, “Wait, wait, wait. It was my idea. I want credit. It was my idea.”

What I've learned… It's so holistic… because what I've learned about that voice is not to shut her off. And not to also necessarily give her that voice in the conversation, but to give her the voice within me, what do I need? Well, I needed some recognition. And so, how do I recognize myself?

For me, what's therapeutically worked for me, inside of me is, what about me? I want credit or I'm not being appreciated. And that's my big one. I'm not being respected. Or one of my feelings is, I feel small. Okay, how do I love on myself?

It's these fun activities. It's like going to that art observation, from art class, on Saturday night. That was fun. These things that I would have thought was, “Well, what's the purpose of that?” Or my bigger one was really, “I should do that with my boyfriend.” I started to. I started to not have this time because I gave my time away. Because I thought, “Well, this is what I should be doing and investing. If I don't give it, we won't have any time together.”

And what I lost was the time with myself, and this fun with myself. Everything that I'd put on a list of fun things I wanted to do were all things I was hoping, or wanted, to do with someone else. A shift for me was this year in particular, saying, “I'm going to do these things with myself. I'm not going to cancel on myself.” And that's fun.

I mean, I'm saying this in surprise because two years ago, that would have been a ‘to do with someone else.’

Victoria: Right.

Hedy: I need someone else to witness it with. And now if I want someone to witness it with, I can bring that into the family, the group. It's practiced for me to go to where it is a safe environment and also not judgmental.

Victoria: Right.

Hedy: Because we have guidelines. And I see other people demonstrating that; which I learned from. I learned so well from the modelling and demonstration. I mean, I do.

Victoria: Yeah. The two powerful things I'm hearing in there is the cultivation of self-intimacy, and through that process of creating intimacy with yourself, where you know and believe that you are amazing company, your own soulmate, your number one date, right?

And then from there, through that process, building self-trust.

Hedy: Yes.

Victoria: Self-trust.

Hedy: Yeah. Because my God, there's this graph, right? Of self-trust and self-doubt and like a seesaw.

Victoria: Yeah.

Hedy: And wow, I had a lot of self-doubt, a lot of it. I think that kept me quiet. And it kept me, I mean, this word “small,” it kept me small. And really, before for a lot of these lessons in Anchored, I would have been ashamed of that. Because “Other people just do what they want.” I remember even saying that, kind of genderizing it. “Well, men always say what they want. And men always do what they want.”

It doesn't even matter. The point is, I wasn't. And because I wasn't, I also didn't talk about it or seek help about it. I acted as if I just don't have to do that anymore, because I've shown up for myself. And like you said, it started with these small steps; with the intimacy, not cancelling on myself, talking about it and sharing it.

Because I'm sharing it as maybe someone learns, but also, I hear my voice talking about these… I'm going to call them “accomplishments” and “growth spurts” … And I believe in myself, versus acting like I believed in myself. Because I think I did act like that. I wanted you to think a certain way, and that would keep me looking tough too, and maybe you wouldn't hurt me.

Victoria: So what did you enjoy about working with me as your coach?

Hedy: I enjoyed that I felt you were very thoughtful and deliberate about your approach, but also were able to pivot if it wasn't working. And you didn't lead with advice. It wasn't uncomfortable silence, where like, “Well, what do you think you should do?” Although I kind of feel like maybe you were asking that, or are asking that.

I enjoyed that you were providing me a flashlight maybe, and saying, “Here, we're in this trail hike or trail together, it's getting dark out. Here's the flashlight. What do you see?” Oh my God. And then, “What do you feel? What do you feel?”

You brought me in touch with my body. I didn't want to feel things in my body. Bad things happened to me when I was in my body. And so I didn't want to be in my body. I didn't want to feel my body. And except where I was feeling in my body, a lot of the time, especially for the past six years, I'd say the last two at least, was a lot of pain.

I understand more now about TMJ, and I would just feel this pain in my face. “Where do you feel in your body?” really opened up my eyes and reintroduced me to my body in a really loving way.

It was not automatic. I was very slow to it. In the Anchor program, with the somatic exercises, I did about three out of five, and then two out of four; as they were set out. But I found the ones that I liked and it worked with me.

And then, as I've revisited them or seen them from other teachers, I've seen, okay, yeah, I get how this feels, and reclaiming myself with my body in a softer way, in an accepting way. It was really encouraging for me to start dancing and moving on my own. And that's been something. Drawing and being more artistic has been something I've enjoyed.

But in terms of creative expression, dancing and movement. It was a movement medicine class this winter. And that's been magical; your guidance, your approach, and bringing in my body as an equal to the cognitive approach.

I was already thinking, “Okay, she's smart. She's got something to offer me and teach me. She keeps bringing up the body.” Nothing was forced either. “This is here, take what you want. And I'm here, and then we can come back to it.” I enjoyed that. I enjoyed the accountability that you encouraged. Again, it was an invitation, an invitation to be accountable.

Victoria: Yeah. So how was being part of this community? Part of the Anchored familia, as we call ourselves, what was that experience like? Because people are nervous. They're worried about being vulnerable in a group of people they don't know yet. I'm not going to call them strangers, right? Because I know it doesn't feel that way quickly. But how was that experience for you?

Hedy: Very enriching and much different than I thought it would be. I've heard someone say once about, even just our team at work, the way she described it was “lightning in a bottle.” And I kind of feel like I could say this about this group. Although the group changes, it's how people participate, and whether they’re coming in on the calls or in the virtual Slack community.

So I mean, it's enriching, and there's something for everyone in a way. In terms of how to engage; jokes or memes or just practicing this in a goofy way or really serious stuff. “Here's my coaching. Here's something I'm sharing.” And really with practicing some of the exercises in the program together.

I listened to last week's call. I listened to it, I think, yesterday morning. And all three people, they asked for coaching. I got something out of all three. We're four different people in four different locations. I mean, I'm not involved in all these organizations. I'm not the head of the PTA. I'm not standing outside talking to all my neighbors. I'm not going to say I'm a shy person either. Sounds like this is easy for me. It's just the environment lended itself to easing into.

And kind of like, I'm picturing a swimming pool right now, and how you can either jump in or kind of go on those shallow steps or how it gets deeper as you walk through, and then you can, all of a sudden, you're just diving in. Like it just happened. And I connected with it, whether it was certain individuals on certain topics. I think of them and they inspire me.

Victoria: Yeah. The community is so magical, right? Like the people who want to do this deep work and show up for Anchor, it makes it my favorite place on the planet, you know?

Hedy: And it shows. You really show up like that. It's really cool. Like I get that, your enthusiasm. Yeah. I'm going to say, even just because some of the virtual kinds of comments are just really cool. I'm like, she's thinking of sharing that here, this meme or this cartoon thing. It shows. And yeah, you're right. It is deep work.

And I guess that's one thing to keep in mind. I'm coming in here to do this deep work. There's going to be something in common with anyone that's coming into this program. It's like, you know, someone interested in doing this deep work. So I just know that somehow, we're going to meet somewhere along this journey. And then that's how it unfolded.

And it's not all at once, it's over several months. So that's the other thing, we don't have to get this all done in six weeks.

Victoria: No. Not at all.

Hedy: And if I miss it for a week or two, or maybe it's a month because of a project, I'm not feeling well or whatever, life, I have this other way to continue to stay connected with the virtual.

Victoria: Yeah, you bring up something important, right? You work full time, you're a full-time mom to a human and a pup. How was it for you to work Anchored into your life? Because I always say, the way Anchored is structured is it works into your life. You don't need to schedule your life around it. How was your experience of that?

Hedy: That's a really good question. And I feel like there were some expectations I had that maybe came from material from you, about how much time of a commitment it was going to be. There were some versions of how I wanted for Anchored to come into my life. And I looked at that and thought, “Okay, yeah, I could do two hours a week. I can do this call for one hour. And I could do an hour of self-work or homework. And if I want to do more, I can do more.”

And what I found was I wanted to do more, most of the time. Sometimes I do that. It caught me. It was catchy for me. It was. And I think that has a lot to do with the community. One on one might not have been so catchy. I mean, the one on one, all the focus on me, and checking in on my work, no, might not have caught me. I might have missed a few sessions.

Victoria: Oh, that's interesting.

Hedy: Yeah, with the community, and with raising your hand and asking for coaching, not being called on. Kind of this flex, this freedom. The program's going to meet me where I'm at. So I did it. Like your question brings up, I didn't have to meet this program by changing my work hours or finding babysitter or a driver or whatever. I did it. And it met me where I was at. And where I was at changed. I mean, bottom line, it changed. People are busy.

Victoria: Sure.

Hedy: I'm busy. But you know what? I also finished Ozark the first weekend it came out. Yeah, true. I exercise regularly. And there's a lot of stuff that I'm doing that takes up time. So this just became a place where I wanted to spend my time. Because I was getting something out of it.

Victoria: Yeah, right. And I love in there. I heard one of the key shifts from being in codependent thinking to overcoming codependent thinking, which is that shift from an external focus. “I'm going to spend my time on Ozark,” which, no dis there. I love Ozark. But having that be your priority, versus the time spent on and with you being the priority. Yeah. That's really powerful. So what were some of your biggest takeaways from being in Anchored?

Hedy: I have choices in almost any matter in my life. And I'm going to be extreme. I know where we live, and how we live, and we have a government blah, blah, blah. But I have a choice in almost any matter in my life. And I definitely have a choice on how I think about it and how I feel about it.

And I didn't fully grasp or understand the full extent of my upbringing, my culture, society, jobs I've had, partners I've been with, how all of that kind of shifted and molded me because I was shifting and molding to fit into these places.

One of the big takeaways is, I tried so much in my life to fit in. This is going to make sense in a second. So recently we joined this new gym, and very exciting because they have a basketball court. My daughter wants to play basketball there. I didn't want to join the gym for myself. I wasn't looking for a gym, but we joined for this and it opened.

And my first thought about this… it's going to show you this was my habitual thinking and I was aware of it, so I didn't have to live with it... Wait, what am I going to have to wear? And what am I going to have to look like when I go there? And I didn't have to finish the sentence. It was so that I could fit in, so that I could be accepted, of course, and look like I belong. Look like I belong.

So difference, big takeaway, is about belonging. And that belonging, it's from me. It's my inside job. I can belong wherever I am. Again, a choice. And again, I just know I'm going to minimize this, but it's not small to me. But I go to this gym just as I am, not putting on a costume or a face or an attitude, I just go.

And here's the other thing, and this is totally credit to your program, is I've allowed myself… I think I even journaled it… I gave myself permission to not have some sort of number of days of the week that I had to go there to justify this membership fee.

I just told myself, “She's got three years of high school left. This has a basketball court. She loves, loves basketball. I'm going to support her. I'll go there when I go there. It's three years. And if I can't make it work, I can't make it work. But I can right now. I don't have to feel bad about not going there.”

So I gave myself that permission. But even last week I started to have negative thoughts around it. And here's what it was. I did my thought work on it. “I should have gone to the gym.” I was shooting myself. I was like, it's gorgeous out. It was like 70-80⁰ that day. I wanted to ride my bike outside. But Anchor really helped me with belonging, fitting in. That's a big takeaway. “Oh, they take away boundaries that I can create, and hold boundaries with people.” I mean, amen to that.

And one of the channels that are in the Anchor family group is about asking for help, like practicing asking for help and then practicing saying no, both parts. And saying no was a very helpful way for me to practice boundaries. “I'm not available.” I don't think I ever said that as much as I have in the last six months, in my whole life. And it took the practice in this environment to bring it home.

I used it last night when my daughter wanted to talk about something with me but I wanted to 20 minutes to decompress before a meeting I had. So I said, “I'm not available for that right now.” I said it in a normal voice, versus not now or okay. That was usually how I would come at it. I would always just go whenever she needed me. Or not even needed, wanted me or asked for me. That's an everyday thing. “I'm not available for that right now.”

But in a larger relationship, for someone that's still in my life, her father, it is really, really… I feel like it’s helped both of us. How I relate to him has changed, because of my thinking about him, and what I thought he was doing to me, and what he's trying to do to me, and here I am thinking he's trying to control me.

And you know what? The better I focus on myself and what I can do… Which I'm sure I got that advice before in my life about him. But somehow, the techniques I've learned in Anchored, and then directly taking it to one of the action steps can be like… literally, I remember writing, “Oh, I can create a boundary… So then writing it out and practicing it with you.

And then saying it and thinking there's going to be some explosion afterwards and they're really snappy. And yeah, it got tested and I held it. And it got tested again a few days ago. I held it.

And just that's like, in a few months of creating and holding that boundary, that has so many positive implications for me, for other relationships. I haven't really to my dad.

Oh my God, you know, boundaries with him about what I'm feeling about how he's talking about, you know, how I'm getting my car fixed. I'm thinking he's telling me what to do. He doesn't think I know what I'm doing, you know, and, oh, he doesn't approve of like what the steps I'm taking, like what he thinks about what I should do about my car is like what he thinks, what he would do, what do I want to do?

And then like telling him, I'll let you know if I have any questions. I think that's how, what it was. That's how I shut it down.

For me, that was the boundary. Yeah. And then when he asked me about it, I'm like, I took care of it.

Victoria: Right. How would you have responded in either of those moments with your ex or with your dad before Anchored?

Hedy: Well, I mean, really, I would have kind of cowered to them and felt feelings and I wouldn't have identified them as deeply as like, well, maybe like a fear, but it would have been anger. I'm angry and resentful. It would have just taken it out somewhere else on someone else, on myself.

And eventually it would have blown up with that person. It would have blown up me with other people, but with them. And, you know, I could see myself, my dad, you always tell me, or, you know, I would probably would have listened to him, but terribly inconvenienced by what his advice was.

And then like, what am I doing? You know, self-abandonment.

Victoria: Right. The self-abandonment cycle we talk about.

Hedy: Yes. When I did stand up for myself, it came from a place of fear and that just didn't work out for me saying like, stand up for myself. For me, was me like defending myself and putting on my armor and like, I'm standing up for myself.

And I think standing up for oneself sounds like it should be positive. But for me, it was not because it was for me, like the positive of standing up for myself today, it looks like a healthy boundary. It doesn't have emotion behind it is what makes a difference.

Yeah. It's like, I mean, when you would talk about neutrality and I would be like, I don't even know what neutrality feels like. And I was just like, kind of just waiting to see what that meant. I know, because it's like afterwards, I'm like, oh, this is neutrality. Right.

Like that was easy. I had ease with that. Or maybe it was hard, but like afterwards, there's not like the earthquake tremors of emotion or regret or doubt. It's just, it's okay.

Victoria: Which brings me back to all that self-trust, right? Which comes from the self-intimacy of really getting to know yourself, really accepting yourself, stepping out of that martyr role, which is, I have to do what he's saying. I'm obligated to do what he's saying.

It's my job to keep him happy. I don't want my life to be all about him, but I have to, right? We talk about this in Anchor all the time. It's something we're conditioned and socialized, particularly as human socialized as women to believe that it's our job. Right. And it's been beautiful to watch you step out of that, by the way.

Hedy: Thank you so much.

Victoria: Yeah. So what are you doing now, post Anchor, that helps you to continue to feel connected, empowered, to live in that self-trust? One of the things that matters to me is that this work is deeply sustainable. And so I'm curious how it's sustainable for you?

Hedy: Yeah, I agree. I don't want to get for the investment of time and other resources in this program. I want this to be deeply sustainable too and not expire, but that is on me.

And that is why the tools that whether they evolve or they change or I pick up a different tool that I know that I have these resources to come to. And so right now, when I become aware, and again, awareness is humongous, but when I become aware of like, just an irritation, I will try to come to a pen and paper as soon as I can. And I might be extensively able to come to pen and paper faster than I'd like to.

So this happened on Sunday, like I felt an irritation and I didn't want to deal with it yet. I was prepared to be annoyed for a couple more hours. But I sat down and it was gone within like five lines on my paper.

And it was like, I found it right there. So that's really interesting to me. And I'm not going to struggle too much on the two hours because I picked up my tool. No one was harmed in the two hours, probably like cleaned or something here. I can't remember. That's a go-to for me, but awareness.

And then coming back to the self-trust and you said this once in a coaching session, you were coaching someone else. And I remember you said, you'll set a timer or promised yourself or a reminder that I'm going to come back to this. Another time.

And so like, that's how I kind of look at this. So when I come back to myself, I am accountable to myself and that's part of me building trust with myself. So doing the technique, the thought work protocol, whether it's like full length version, or I get down to like the first three lines.

And if I have the aha, I feel really good about that. So I continue to use that tool and I move now too. And I engage with my body and I did not believe this so that I didn't believe you.

I guess I just didn't believe like it would work for me that like I could shift energy and it was very hard for me to grasp. Oh, I didn't really understand all that stuff. And I just thought, okay, well, I don't need to, because I'm going to get the whole thought work thing down.

But I didn't understand about like energy and emotions and feelings and like a physical feeling is also a feeling and you could describe it. Like I have, you know, it's tightness of my chest as important as the cognitive work. I really mean it today to move the energy.

And I can do that. Now I've returned to office. We have a room that I can lock. And often before pandemic, I would go in there and do meditation in the middle of the day. But now sometimes it's not meditation. It's putting on five minutes of music on my AirPods and moving.

And it's not like music with lyrics. It's like movement music. And it's been very, very helpful for me and very healing for me. And sometimes I can do that. And then I come and do the thought work, right? Or then I do the meditation, maybe my body.

And you taught me a lot about the nervous system and regulation and dysregulation. My goodness. Also, I didn't really think I needed to understand that or know that.

I thought, like, I'm just going to pay attention to this other stuff. I didn't know what I needed. And so, I mean, everything is here for me to get to when I'm ready or when I can, like, maybe process it and use it.

So I try, you know, honor them more. And it's, again, a word that I thought was so cheesy. But yeah, I'm honoring them more. I'm honoring where I'm at. I'm meeting myself where I'm at. I really am. Because it works.

Victoria: I feel better. Yeah. I mean, that's the point of it, right? To get to know yourself, to build that awareness and not bring on unnecessary suffering. Yeah.

And to be able to sit with the discomfort. And I think that in watching your transformation and your growth to see you come from, you know, you work in a very left-brain field, you know, and to see you come in with that very strong focus on the cognitive, but to open your heart and your mind to the somatics and to the nervous system work, to mapping your nervous system has been so beautiful.

So what would you say to someone who's having some nervousness or some trepidation about joining the program? What would you say to them?

Hedy: I would say that something like this is a program. It's an opportunity that if you don't do it now, you're going to want to do it in a couple of years. And like your two years or your one year or your five years of waiting to meet yourself, to come home to yourself really, truly.

That's a long time when you can feel this now. It's not easy, but it's like available and it's accessible to do this now. Don't wait. Do this now. If you have a family, if you have a dog, you work with other people, if you step out into the world or even if you never do, but even if you never do, it's for you.

Oh my gosh. What a gift. What a blessing. Like that, I'm worth it. I mean, I'm worthy. I didn't act like it, but I didn't really think I was. Don't put something like this off. It's kind of like fertilizer. This is going to help. And you're going to be like, why didn't I use this sooner?

Victoria: Yeah. I think people get nervous about taking the time for themselves, investing financially in themselves, putting their focus on themselves. What would you say to someone who's having those kinds of thoughts?

Hedy: I too was thinking about financially and I broke it down into months and I thought about my monthly expenses. And after a few exercises with that, it wasn't about financially anymore. And then it became about, am I really going to use this?

Am I going to get something out of this? Those were just all fears. I knew if someone is like, all I did was listen to a webinar you had that had an example of like a live coaching call and read maybe one thing, a blog post about you.

But if someone's like, listen to your podcast or listen to something and they identify it, then you kind of know that this is kind of good medicine.

Victoria: That's quite the compliment. Anchored is good medicine. Thank you.

Hedy: I really mean it.

Victoria: Thank you. Anything else you want to make sure the good people listening know about you, your transformation, the experience of being an Anchored, what life is like now?

Hedy: Perfectionism. If you're in this codependency, people-pleasing thought habits, you might also have perfectionistic tendencies. I would just say, don't let thinking you have to do this perfectly dissuade you.

I remember one thing I heard you say before I joined that really gave me permission again to make this investment. I'm glad to share this. I think you had said someone in your recent anchor program just finished all the modules and it was like months later.

I just thought, oh, I should. That's so true. It's just for me. I can do it at my pace. Although we're coming into this program with some perfectionistic thinking, kind of don't have it about this.

Victoria: Let it go.

Hedy: Just for this one thing, don't. And then see what else you could apply it to.

Victoria: Right. Yeah, I love that. How the very process of being an Anchored is medicine for that perfectionist part, right?

Hedy: Yeah.

Victoria: I love that. Thank you. Thank you. Hedy, thank you so much for being here. Thank you for investing in yourself, investing your time, your money, your financial resources, your energy. Thank you for showing up and being such a beautiful part of the familia. I'm so grateful to know you.

Hedy: Thank you.

Victoria: Thank you.

Thank you for listening to this episode of Feminist Wellness. If you want to learn more all about somatics, what the heck that word means, and why it matters for your life, head on over to VictoriaAlbina.com/somaticswebinar for a free webinar all about it. Have a beautiful day, my darling, and I'll see you next week. Ciao.