Skip to content

Ep #179: Getting Anchored with Roxanne Darrow

Feminist Wellness | Getting Anchored with Roxanne Darrow

I’m so thrilled and grateful to bring you another conversation I had with one of my members of Anchored. This time, I’m speaking to the magnificent Roxanne Darrow. We’ve been working together for a few years, she’s just phenomenal, and I know you’re going to love her.

Roxy Darrow is a ghostwriter who specializes in writing nonfiction book manuscripts for folks. Roxy describes herself as being in a dark pit of despair when she originally signed up for Anchored while she was locked down in New Zealand. She felt like her brain was a mess and she was really struggling, even experiencing suicidal ideation. But now, life looks a lot different for Roxy.

Tune in this week to discover the power of healing in community. Roxanne Darrow is sharing how being in the Anchored community and using the tools we teach there helped her prioritize her human needs, and shift her lifestyle to align with what she wanted and needed in her life.

If you are interested in taking everything you’ve been learning on the podcast to the next level, join me in my exclusive intimate group coaching program, Anchored. Our next cohort is starting in August 2022, so click here to apply!

If you have not yet subscribed, rated, and reviewed the show on Apple Podcasts, or shared it on your social media, I would be so grateful and delighted if you could do so. This is a free service that I want to get into as many ears as possible, and Im counting on you to rate, review, and share it to let more folks know that this free support is available to them!


What You’ll Learn:

  • Roxy’s favorite things in the world right now.
  • Where Roxy was and what she was going through at the start of the pandemic when she decided to join Anchored.
  • What Roxy learned during her time in Anchored and the parts of the program that made a huge difference for her in creating a nourishing life.
  • Roxy’s experience of discovering her identity as the parentified child and learning to say no, with love.
  • Where Roxy is in her life now since she stopped swallowing her feelings and started setting boundaries.
  • Roxy’s hesitant thoughts about healing in community when she first signed up, and how they’ve changed since she started group coaching.
  • How Roxy has integrated the tools and practices we share in Anchored and made them part of her everyday life.
  • Roxy’s message to anyone feeling nervousness or trepidation around investing in emotional healing and energetic resources for themselves.

Listen to the Full Episode:

Featured on the Show:

  • Follow me on Instagram
  • Keep up with me on Facebook
  • Curious about Breathwork Journey Meditation? Check out my free gift to you, Breathwork intro - a guide to the practice and a 13-minute session, all on the house, for you to download and keep.
  • Do you have a topic request or a question you'd like me to answer? Send me an email, I'll be doing a listener q&a episode soon enough!
  • Let’s connect! Send a text message to 917-540-8447 and drop your email address in and we’ll send you a present. 
  • Roxanne Darrow: Website | Instagram | Blog

Full Episode Transcript:

This is Feminist Wellness, and I’m your host, Nurse Practitioner, Functional Medicine Expert, and life coach, Victoria Albina. I’ll show you how to get unstuck, drop the anxiety, perfectionism, and codependency so you can live from your beautiful heart. Welcome my love, let’s get started.

Victoria Albina: Hello, hello, my love. I hope this finds you doing so well. I have exciting news, which is that I moved five minutes up the road from where I was living, here in the Hudson Valley on occupied Munsee-Lenape territory.

It was a lot to put all the things in the boxes, and I was so glad to have thought work, somatics, breath work to keep coming back to, when my brain kept telling me stories. You know, the way brains do like, “This is too much. This is overwhelming. How are you running Anchored, and writing a book, and doing the podcast, and moving?” I just let my brain know that it's okay, that I can handle it.

And meanwhile, I sat with the somatic experience of it, what was going on in my body. And when there was tension, I would sit with it. Sit next to it, befriend it. Let it know, it's safe with me. And that, of course, my shoulders were getting tight. Of course, the back of my neck hurt. You know, of course, my belly was grumbling. My body was trying to tell me to rest, so you know what? I did.

I'm really grateful for all the tools and skills that I have, to be able to support myself throughout this process and just through life, daily. I feel so grateful. So privileged. So honored. To have done all the studying I've done, and to have had the space and the commitment to do all the things. And yeah, I just feel really grateful. So grateful.

The new house is mid-century modern, which is totally my jam. God, I love everything about that. Look, it's got really tall, vaulted ceilings, it's got a big, beautiful kitchen. And most importantly, it has the space to do retreats.

So, that's one of the things that I used to do, in the before times, was weekend workshops, breathwork workshops, inner child workshops, in person and stopped doing them because you know, pandemic. I want to get back to it, I miss it, I miss being in person with you all.

So, if you're not on my mailing list, hop on it, you can go to VictoriaAlbina.com. And right at the top, there's a place you can get free meditations and get on my mailing list at the same time, which is, I mean, that's a win-win. Come on, now. So yeah, hop on my mailing list, if you're interested in doing retreats with me.

Because we'll be starting them up hopefully, at some point in the fall again. Everything is, you know, based on the COVID. Trying to do these things in the safest way possible, public health nerd that I am, and a huge fan of really being thoughtful about not spreading this virus.

So, this week, I was planning to share all about resistance with you. It's a big theme that comes up in Anchored. It's come up a lot in my life. And, I have what I think you will find very interesting take on it. And then, during the course of this last week, in doing the calls I do with folks who are interested in joining Anchored, what I heard time after time after time, was, “I loved those interviews, those conversations you had.” They were definitely more conversation than interview, with folks who've been through Anchored.

A woman this morning, who joined us in Anchored, who, by the way, is also named Victoria and is also a nurse... How delightful is that? But anyway, she was sharing that hearing the testimonials really helped her to believe that change is possible for her, which is the reason why I've been sharing them.

So, I switched up the plans. And this week, I am thrilled, I am so grateful that I get to... I know I've said the word grateful like 4,000 times, but I'm feeling it so deeply. I'm grateful to share a conversation I had with the magnificent, Roxanne Darrow. Roxy and I go way back. We have been working together for ages. She was in Anchored two plus years ago and has been part of the alumni community since, and is just phenomenal. It was a really fun conversation.

I am thrilled to share it with you. Alright, without further ado, and rambling from me, here's Roxy.

Hello, Roxy.

Roxy Darrow: Hi, Vic.

Victoria: I'm so delighted to have you here with us today.

Roxy: It's my pleasure. I'm so excited to see you.

Victoria: I’m so excited to see you, too. So, will you start us off by telling us your name, your pronouns, a land acknowledgement if you'd like, and tell us what you do in the world.

Roxy: My name is Roxy Darrow. I am from Southern California. I now live in Aotearoa, New Zealand, so I'm visiting family. And, I am a ghostwriter. So, I write book manuscripts for folks, nonfiction. Right now, I'm working on a book about the history of racism in the States and ways forward. So, yeah, that's what I do. That’s who I am.

Victoria: That's phenomenal. What's one of your favorite things in the world, right now?

Roxy: Favorite things in the world are the small beauties. The joys that just surprise you, like today, I was running along Santa Monica boardwalk, and there's this beautiful mural of horses coming out from the sea. Little things like that where people before you, who don't even know you, are adding beauty to the world. That's my favorite right now.

Victoria: I love that. I love that. It's such a beautiful invitation for us to look forward and find, look inward rather, and find all the beauty within ourselves.

Roxy: Ooh, nice twist.

Victoria: Hey, that’s what I’m here for.

Roxy: True. Very true.

Victoria: Good times. So, Roxy, you were in the first cohort, actually, of this latest iteration of Anchored, which is so exciting.

Roxy:  Yes.

Victoria: Yeah. So, I'm curious, what led you to join? What interested you about the program?

Roxy: I was in a dark pit of despair. It was in the first lockdown, in New Zealand, for COVID. I was still doing the same patterns that I had been doing, and it wasn't working. So, I was working farm jobs, I was physically run down, financially run down, still experiencing anxiety; not really knowing how to deal with it. I think you actually reached out to me and you were like, “I'm doing this thing. And, I think you would be great for it.”

Because you had taught me a little bit about what codependency was, a few years prior, when we had met. I read half the book that you recommended and not the rest. So, I had an inkling of what the problematic habits were that I was dealing with, but I wasn't proactively learning tools.

So, yeah. Dark pit of despair, kind of like last option, not last option, but it felt that dramatic, truly. And I share that, because I think that, that would help people. My brain was a mess, truly. It felt like it was a mess. And it felt like I had… I was experiencing suicidal ideation. It was really dark times. That's why I was like, “Sure, I'll try this stick. Let's see.”

Because I didn't want to go down a path of medication, things like that. So, I was like, let's see if I can learn other tools that could be helpful.

 

Victoria: Right on. So, what did you learn?

Roxy: I learned that healing happens in community, and that isolating and running away from people in the world, is not the answer to my problems. I think at a baseline, that's been the biggest change I've seen with myself. I used to really not want to engage with people because I felt overwhelmed by their energy, by what was happening in their lives, I didn't know how to stay on my side of the street, energetically.

I think that is the main kind of framework that I've taken away from Anchored. And then also, all the small things. That's the macro scale. On the micro scale, the minimum daily baseline is a game-changer. So, doing things like daily meditation, daily journaling, which at the beginning felt like this massive push of, “I don't know if I can do these things.” But the way that you taught us in Anchored with titrating in, like, “Just do one minute of meditation, one minute of journaling,” and the brain's like, “Okay, I'll do that.”

So, on the micro scale, that helped me build trust in myself, and then you can slowly build on other things like, “I'll move my body a little bit each day. Maybe I'll eat a nice thing that feels good.” Gradually, all those things build up into a life that feels nourishing.

Victoria: Hmm, I love that. And so, where are you in your life now?

Roxy: In my life now, I started my own business instead of continuing on the path of agricultural labor, which doesn't make sense for me. I started my own business and it's going really well. I've almost finished my second book for a great client. And, he wants to do a third book. It feels like I'm starting a career that I really enjoy.

What's helped me get to this point is… Because it is a struggle, as you know, starting your own business and having the confidence in yourself that it's going to happen and it's going to happen in the way that feels good. I feel more confident dealing with the pitfalls and the peaks of having my own business.

I still have anxiety. I still experience depression. And, part of what we learned in Anchored was there's 50% joy and 50% suffering in life. That's just how the cookie crumbles. So, accepting that reality, and I accept that I'm learning to accept that reality, I also have the tools to deal with it.

For example, I was on the plane the other day, from Seattle to San Diego. I was, again, making poor choices with my heart. I'm loving someone who wasn't loving me back; I understand what I was doing. I just started crying on the plane, under my mask, but I started doing the thought work protocol that we learned in Anchored. I could actually embrace my feelings, feel them, kind of work through them, allow them. The stewardess was kind of looking at me like, she okay? And I'm like, this is good. This is good. We're feeling feelings here. And before, I think I wouldn't have known how to work with that, my intensity of feelings. All the things still happen, I just feel like I'm dancing with it more now, instead of running away.

Victoria:  Ooh, is that what you would have done before Anchored, run away from that feeling?

Roxy: Yeah. So, before, I would have just retreated. I would have been like, don't feel feelings. I have a stomach ulcer from before, from swallowing feelings, literally. Now, instead of swallowing feelings, I feel them through my body somatically. Before, I don't even know what that would have looked like, but probably pain, like physical stomach, tummy pain.

Victoria: What a beautiful shift, eh?

Roxy: Yeah. Thank you, Vic.

Victoria: Wow. Thank you, Roxy. I mean, you have done, and continue to do, the work of it all, right?

Roxy: Yeah. Also, family dynamics have shifted for me. I used to be more triangulated within my family dynamics. I was the parentified child. People looked to me to fix things and I thought that was my job. For example, the other day, my aunt called me and she was like, “Hey, can you call your other aunt to calm her down? She, blah, blah, blah,” all this stuff. And I was like, “Oh, I don't do that anymore.” It felt like such a loving thing, both for me and for her. It wasn't like, I was mad. I was like, “I know, I used to do that. I don't do that anymore.” It felt so good. She responded so well with, “Oh, wow. Tell me more about that.” She was interested in what that means.

Victoria: I love in that story, both you having your own back and setting healthy boundaries, and then, taking everything you've learned in Anchored, and rippling it out into the world of people that you're connected with?

Roxy: Totally. Also, I learned how to set boundaries. I'm still learning this, dipping my toe in. But that has been a game-changer, too. I guess I just feel more safe. So, I feel more safe because I know; okay, if someone wants something from me, that's fine. That's what they want. But I don't need to accept that. I can choose to say ‘yes’, I can choose to say ‘no’. I feel like I have more agency with learning how to set boundaries.

Victoria: So beautiful. And in that moment with your aunt, it sounds like such important resentment prevention.

Roxy: Yeah. I've taken a step back from some close family relationships, and I've let them know why. They've been very accepting of it. But resentment prevention; if I start feeling resentment, because trust has been broken…

I try to be vulnerable. I try to allow to grow with people, but if people continuously break trust and don't respect me, I'm like, “Hey, I'm going to take a step back. I don't know for how long. I love you. And because I love you, this is why I'm stepping back.” Whereas before, I wouldn't know how to pull apart the threads of what was happening. It would have just been like, whoa.

Victoria: I love that actual soundtrack from your brain.

Roxy: And now it's more like, Mm-hmm.

Victoria: I love that. That's beautiful. So, what did you enjoy about working with me as your coach?

Roxy: I enjoy your humor, first and foremost. A lot of this is really heavy, you know, if you're dealing with suicidal ideation, if you're dealing with financial ruin and family; it's heavy stuff. I think my favorite part about working with you is your humor, and also that you're dealing with similar things.

So, it's not like you're like this person who like read a book and is like, “Here, try these things.” You're like, “I know what this is like. I'm here to help you.” And, I also appreciate your medical background and your woo. You have woo background, medical background. You're multifaceted and you speak Spanish; you're from Argentina. You're fun, and I trust you. And those are my favorite things about working with you.

Victoria: Aww, thank you. One of the things people get a little nervous about is, A number one, just being in this community. And like, “I don't know any of these people. What's it going to be like to be coached in front of them, to get vulnerable in front of them?” Can you speak to your experience of that?

Roxy: Definitely. When I first signed up, I was like, “I don't need new friends.” Also, “I don't want to hear other people's problems.” Also, “I'm better than all these people.” I was very judgy. I didn't understand the healing in community thing. It was like, “I'm just going to be doing my little homework over here, just like I did growing up. And protect the little mental, heart, calm…

And then, when we did the group coaching where you could see other people, be vulnerable in front of each other, and you could see other people just really laying out their feelings. My heart opened, and I felt more compassion and realize that, “Oh, I'm not alone in this.” The specifics of their lives are, you know, theirs, but we have a shared experience. I guess I would say, enjoy your judginess, welcome it, recognize it, and then, show up.

Victoria: Yeah, because I hear this all the time, that folks feel nervous beforehand. But as soon as you meet everyone, there's just this deep level of kindness in this community.

Roxy: Totally. Yeah. And this might sound cliche, but it is fun. So, it's fun. You hear about people's breakups. You hear about people meeting someone. You're part of their lives. So, it feels intimate in a very refreshing way.

And, you can engage or not engage as much as you want. There's a certain baseline of showing up for the coaching and things like that. But it's not like you need to be best friends with everyone. You can just show up as you want to. Yeah, so it's not like a pressure situation. It's not like a Mean Girls, “You're not sharing enough,” it didn't feel like that.

Victoria: Right, right. Right. No, I appreciate that distinction, because definitely, this is a no-pressure zone. A consent-based zone, for sure. Yeah, that's important. So, I know you're busy animal, right? You moved to another country, you run your own business. What was it like to fit Anchored into your life? Because that's what I always say, you don't need to change your life, your schedule to fit around Anchored, Anchored fits into your life. What was that part like for you?

Roxy: Yeah, so at the time that I started Anchored, I was working the farm jobs still, so it was like a very early morning… Also, it was a totally different time zone, you all. But I am a pretty serious nerd lit student. And so, I just pretended like I was in grad school or something. I devoted, I think it was like an hour or something each night to the different practices and reading. And, I think I was cooking as I was listening to the audio portion. So, it didn't feel like a huge lift.

The funny thing was, from the calendaring exercise that we did in Anchored, which is like calendaring out human needs. And then, putting work after, that helped me realize, like, “Oh, my lifestyle does not support me as a human.” That's when I made the huge shift to running my own business and everything changed.

Victoria: That's inspiring. Would you say if someone's listening and they're like, “I work full time, I have kids, I have all this stuff. I can't do an hour a night,” do you feel like they could succeed in Anchored, as well?

Roxy: I think so. I mean, it's hard to speak to other people's experiences. Because I do think there is a good amount of material to cover. Six months seems like a long time. I don't know. I guess. I couldn't say because I don't have kids; I don't know what that is like. I have I have hung out with people who have kids, and I don't know.

Victoria: Totally fair.

Roxy: Yes, I don't know. But I would say, that it's definitely worth a try. It might be weird at the beginning, but then, maybe if you find that like, ooh this little tool worked or something, maybe your brain would be like, oh I want to make more time for it.

Victoria: I love that.

Roxy: Maybe not like a full pressure of, “I have to do an hour night,” because that's a little bit more my M.O., but maybe just like a teaser. Be like, “Oh brain, maybe this will be fun… Like five minutes.”

Victoria: I love that, like a little kitten step for your brain, around the time. For sure, for sure.

Roxy: I'm a Capricorn rising and I think a Capricorn moon. So, like all the Capricorn. That's very much like, “I'm going to do an hour a night forever.”

Victoria: Forever. I mean, that's part of why everything's downloadable, right? So that you don't have to do it in the six months. You can take a year; you can take three. It’s all available. You could do five minutes a day and really succeed in this program, because you've got all the material forever. So, I know that you really enjoyed breathwork. Can you tell us about that? What was that like for you? What did you gain?

Roxy: The first time I did breathwork was outside the Anchored program, but through your breathwork teaching course. And, it felt really like a psychedelic experience. Like it was kind of out-of-body, but not in a scary way. I was sailing across the ocean from San Diego to New Zealand, and I was in Tonga at the time that I did my first breathwork. And so, I was already kind of in a poetic state of life state.

But it helped me connect to, perhaps, different plane of reality, that feels grounding. Even though it's an out-of-body experience, it feels grounding. I felt less lonely after, I guess would be the result of it. It's a little bit hard of an experience to describe because it's so intense and magical.

It's interesting, though, the first ones were very intense. And then after that, as I continued, it was more routine, as if you're working out. It was almost a routine release, a routine somatic release. If there were sticky things kind of building up in my life, I was like, “It's time probably to attend a breathwork.”

I would say it's a good routine release. It taught me how to cry, I think would probably be the best result of that. I'm a public crier now. Whereas before, I would have never considered that to be an option. So, I think breathwork kind of helped me connect to the somatic ways I can release tension. I do like, shake out, hands more, cry more. Yeah, I think it helps me feel more comfortable in my body.

Victoria: I love that. What have the benefits been in your life, of doing more somatic practices, doing breath work connecting in with your body?

Roxy: I'm not as serious. So, I usually work in the library. And if something intense happens, I'll just shake my hands out, right then and there. And it feels like trust building with my inner children. Of just being like, “I see you. I know that this weird thing or intense thing just happened. We're going to shake it out.” I just got chills right now, just doing it. They're like, “Hi. Hi, little Roxy's.”

It's helped me take pauses. I have this go, go, go. Push, push, push. Now, with somatic practices, it's like, shake it out. It helps me be not as serious, in a good way. Yeah, in a good way. Still serious about my life and my goals and things like that. But just being like, “Okay, we can take a break. The world will not crumble if we just shake our hands for a few seconds. We're going to be okay.”

Victoria: We can get so, so serious and so wrapped up in our own stories, and our own ego, and our own fears, and our own codependent desire to manage and puppeteer the whole world. I love what you're saying about finding the pause and the levity. And, for me, that helps you get more present. I don't know about for you.

Roxy: Totally. It's a brief presence-ness. I consider this to be a lifelong practice of just gradually learning to be more present. So yeah, like seeing the beauty to having somatic pauses. There'll be brief moments of presence in the day. And, that's enough for right now.

Victoria:  Yeah, yeah. I was talking with someone this morning, who was interested in Anchored and she was worried that her issues aren't heavy enough, or intense enough, or worthy enough of doing Anchored. What comes to mind for you when I say that?

Roxy: She sounds like Anchored would be great for her. Yeah, I think anyone, honestly, who lives in this world, in the society in these times, that I don't live in the US anymore, but I've been here for a month and the past month has been very intense.

And, I really feel like I want to give everyone I see an award for just every day. Just to be like, “You're doing it. You're a human in this place. And, it’s very hard.” I'm getting chills again. So, I think that I would tell her that, “You are worth enjoying your life, more than you are now. And you’re worth it, you're worth it.” It's not like what we were saying, it's not like a competition.

Like I only shared the suicidal ideation part to kind of show where I came from. But even when I was experiencing that, I also was like, “Oh, I don't really need help.” So, it's like, when someone says like, “Oh, I'm not dealing with heavy stuff,” I'm like, “Hm, really? Okay.”

Victoria: I do love your point, though. That like, if all that you want from Anchored is to live a more joyful, peaceful, present, centered, grounded life, that's enough. You're worthy of that. You don't need some massive trauma, some stress. You don't need to be part of the suffering Olympics. Like we don't need to go to there.

Roxy: No, totally. Yeah. And because everyone's coming in at a different point. Yes, we're different humans.

Victoria: And that brings to mind so many of the transformations I saw in folks in your cohort, and that I've seen, now that you've been in the Alumni Program. Do any of those stories come to mind for you? Anyone's transformation that you're like, “Get it.”

Roxy: I think Molly probably has been really cool to witness. How she's a body image coach.

Victoria: Self-love, body love coach.

Roxy: That's been really cool seeing her break up with her long-term partner, because that was not working. And yeah, just seeing her thrive in her business. And you can see more true joy coming through. Just how she's setting more boundaries with her mom. Yeah, I think Molly is my stand-out kind of example.

Victoria: I feel like there were just so many of those small shifts from week to week.

Roxy: Totally. It was over this, I think, was it a couple years ago that we did…

Victoria: Two years ago, this month.

 

Roxy:  I've followed her over these past couple years. Yeah. And it's all like kitten steps, and stuff.

Victoria: For those listening who don't know what a kitten step is, or why we would want to take one, would you fill them in?

Roxy: Kitten steps are taking really small steps forward in the direction that you want to go. So, say you want to set a boundary with your mom. You wouldn't be like, “Today I am setting a boundary with my mom,” like as the first thing.

You would start thinking about, “Maybe today, I'll go for a walk.” Something perhaps unrelated to the thing that you want to do. And then, maybe you'll think about, “I have a mom. Okay, I have a mom, I can accept that I have a mom.” So, there's all these different tools that we learned to get to the point where you're somatically supported. You're able to mentally get there. It's not just like you do the thing, right? You take a kitten step.

Victoria: Yeah, we take kitten steps, because baby steps are way too big.

Roxy: Way too big. Big baby, chunky baby feet.

Victoria: Yes, yeah. And we take kitten steps because our nervous system needs it. Like you said at the beginning, titration is key. Because it's so easy to overwhelm our nervous system, when that's the factory setting from when we're kids. When that's our original programming. So, to shift those neural grooves in our minds, we need the tiniest little shifts, and to trust that they'll add up.

Roxy: Yes, I think that is probably the hardest part. Over time, I have seen that they do add up. So, that would probably be the tip I would give people starting in Anchored; it’s that it does take a long time. And, it's worth doing. but it's not going to be, “After six months I'm this new person.” Okay, in six months you learn the tools. And now, over the next year and a half, two years, your whole life, you get to practice those things,

Victoria: My grandma always said; things that get done quickly, are never done well.

Roxy: She was probably a good person at X-Y-Z thing. What was she good at doing?

Victoria: She was pretty skillful at whatever she put her mind to. It was just an expression I heard from her so much as a girl. Because from my own codependent, perfectionist, and people pleasing habits, I was such a rush-around-rabbit and was always trying, and I didn't realize, of course, but the subconscious driver was to improve myself, improve myself, improve myself.

So, I would do the dishes really quickly, and then put them away really quickly. And then, I take them out of the cupboard, and some would be chipped and some would still have greasy on them. Because I've done it quickly. Instead of with intention, and presence, and awareness, you know?

Roxy: Yeah. It's pretty radical and revolutionary to take time to do things that are important to you. Because I run my own business, I get to practice every day being like; do I want to rush through making a meal because I need to keep to my schedule? Maybe not the best call.

I'm learning and trying to figure that out still, daily. To be present and be in the moment and also, meet my goals for work. But I think Anchored has helped me be, “It's valuable to recognize when you're rushing.” What is that going to do long-term for your nervous system? And, your digestion?

For me, that's my main focus, is how can I create a life that supportive of my digestion and my nervous system, so that I can be a person in the world and not need to go to the hospital?

Victoria: Do you feel like Anchored has supported you towards that goal?

Roxy:  Yes. My digestion is so on point. Pretty much the only time my ulcer hurts is when I'm experiencing extreme stress. The other day, my mom called me and wanted to vent about my sister's wedding, and I felt my ulcer just like pulsing. And I was like, “Hey, can I call you back in five minutes?” Whereas before, I wouldn't have even known that I could do that. Like, if that was allowed.

And so, I just shook it out, took a bit of a walk. That's when the pain subsided. So, I still have the thing. I still have the ulcer, but I have the tools now to recognize how to not let it get out of hand.

Also, I mean, I go to the farmers market; I eat really well. I do the meditations. I do the things. Anchored helped me realize that is so important. That's not a side gig. I'm the main gig.

Victoria: That's so important; my life, me, I'm not a side gig. I'm the main gig.

Roxy: And it's rearing its head, like old codependent things, as I have crushes on people. I'm like, I feel myself becoming the side gig again. I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Victoria: Whoa, yeah.

Roxy: We know where this leads to. I think that's the cool thing, I still have codependent habits, they still come up. And it's kind of more like with Anchored, I'm able to know what's happening and make a decision. It's more of awareness. Like can be like, because you can always choose. You can be like; I want to be in a codependent pattern. I like that, about how you teach us; you can choose.

Victoria: Feminism first, right? Always honor our own autonomy and that of everyone else. I mean, it's the cornerstone of interdependence.

Roxy: Yeah. Wait, say more What is cornerstone of interdependence?

Victoria: Oh, right. So, interdependence is like we talked about in Anchored. From our codependent habits, I need you to validate me, I need you to prove that I'm worthy. We don't want to swing to independence, which is I am a rock, I'm an island. I don't need anyone ever. Because we're pack animals. Right? We've been talking about community. And so, in interdependence, we recognize that; I am an autonomous human, you are an autonomous human, and we can come together with reciprocity, mutuality, and love to co-create a future together.

Roxy: Yes, yes, I know what it is. But I wanted to hear how you said it, because I just explained it to my friends last night. because they were like, “We're codependent.” And I was like, “Tell me more.” And then, I was like, “No, you're interdependent. That's why you're doing so well.”

Victoria: Oh, I love that. I love that. Yay. Beautiful. My darling Roxy. Well, what would you say to someone who is having some nervousness or some trepidation about joining the program? Right? Because so often we have these thoughts like I feel guilty spending money, time, energetic or emotional resources on myself. Who am I to invest in myself? Who am I to do this healing work? What would you say to that human?

Roxy:  I see you. I see where you're at. Your emotions are real, your nervousness is real. I would encourage them to go below the initial fear. So, what I've been trying to do is make decisions out of love and not from fear. And so, that deciding to do or not to Anchored, based on fear perhaps is not where you want to be.

Perhaps go below the fear and see like what, what would love say right now because I don't know for them if Anchored is right or wrong, right? But I would just encourage them to go below the have fear and kind of like me to do a little shake out and be like; what would love say, you know, what is like my deep inner love of self? Like, what? What does that want to do? Because the money thing is scary. Yeah. And the cool thing, though about Anchored is like; now I started my own business. So now, I'm in a better financial situation,

Victoria: It's a hard choice for people. Sure, sure. But I love that with the recommendation that you gave, it doesn't have to feel like a hard choice, right? Because you listen to yourself and your body and your body saying, do this, you need this. This is the shift. These are the tools. These are the skills that you need. Yeah, you know, because love always says you're worth investing.

Roxy: Yeah, and I hadn't done that alone, or maybe I thought I had been, like I traveled, was doing all these things. But really, I was stuck in old habits that was perpetuating constantly. Being in the state of scarcity and freaking out around finances, and even physically. So yeah, it is scary, too.

Because in a way, signing up for Anchored is asking you to shed an old pattern. And, immediately, it doesn't feel like a kitten step. It is a little bit of a jumpstart. That's like that self-trust. Once I made that decision, even before Anchored started, even just making the decision to say; Yes, right. It was like full-body relaxation. Even though there's still nervousness about like, money and things. It was still like; this is the right path for me. So, I love that.

Victoria: Yeah, yeah. And I love that you walked us through that whole arc of like; I want this. I need this. I'm nervous. I can love myself and support myself to recognize that I'm worth investing all the things in, time, money, energy.

Roxy: I mean, it's not an understatement to say that it truly changed my life for the better permanently. And, I haven't done that. This was my first time doing a program of self-betterment. And since then, I've worked with another friend to do more of a deep dive in a spiritual kind of program. I wouldn't have even thought to do that before. So, yeah, life changing.

Victoria: I love that. Aww, thank you. Anything else you want to make sure the good people hear? Before you tell them where to find you.

Roxy: Let's say congratulations even for finding this. Because if you're already kind of in the loop, and you're already even considering Anchored, I would just still backpack. That’s what we learned in the program, too; celebrate the small wins. And, I would say it's a small win, or maybe a big win, even to be listening to you.

Victoria: Aww. I love that. That’s so sweet, that's so tenderoni. I love that. I love that. So, my darling, you're an amazing writer. Where can the good people find you?

Roxy: I am on Instagram @Roxanne.Darrow. I would love to hear from you. If you have any nonfiction book needs. I'm focusing on manuscripts these days. So, that's where you can find me on Instagram, or on my website, RoxanneDarrow.com.

Victoria: Fantastic. Thank you so much for your time, Roxy. Thank you for being here. Thank you for taking the leap and investing in you, and supporting you, and showing up with your full beautiful open heart to Anchored. I'm so grateful you did.

Roxy: You're welcome. De nada.

Victoria:  Thank you, darling. Thank you so much for listening in, my love. Wasn’t that just such a lovely conversation? And, so beautiful and inspiring to hear about Roxy's growth and change, and everything she's been able to accomplish in her life, with her health, in her career. From the beautiful and powerful work that she did to support herself with the skills and tools she learned in Anchored. Oh, so beautiful.

If you are loving everything you're learning on the podcast, if you want to make change in your life, like Roxy, Monica, Allie and Molly, the folks who've been on recently, talking about their transformations, then the time to join us is now.

Anchored is filling up fast for the group that starts on 8/8, Lion’s Gate. You know, come on. A Leo would not miss the opportunity to start something on 8/8. I mean, how phenomenal is that? The group is about two thirds of the way full and once it's full, it's full, right? I cap it at 25-27 people outside max, to keep it really intimate, really sweet, and so you can get tons of personal attention from me.

If you are ready to make codependent, perfectionist, and people pleasing thinking a thing of the past. If you are ready to live an embodied life bolstered by somatic bodily awareness. If you are ready to step into your internal authority, and to care more what you think, than what others think about your choices.

If you're ready to step out of indecision and into powerfulness, you're going to want to join us for Anchored. Head on over to VictoriaAlbina.com/anchored to learn more and to apply now. It would be an absolute friggin’ delight to have you join us in this next cohort.

Alright, my loves, let's do what we do. Gentle hand on your heart, should you feel so moved. And remember, you are safe, you are held. You are loved. And when one of us heals, we help heal the world. Be well, my beauty. I'll talk to you soon.

If you've been enjoying the show and learning a ton, it's time to apply it with my expert guidance, so you can live life with intention, without the anxiety, overwhelm and resentment, so you can get unstuck. You're not going to want to miss the opportunity to join my exclusive intimate group coaching program. So, head on over to VictoriaAlbina.com/masterclass to grab your seat now. See you there; it's going to be a good one!

Enjoy the Show?

Victoria Albina Breathwork Meditation Facilitator

Hello hello my love.

I'm so glad you're here to download your free meditations to help you connect inward to calm and soothe your perfect mind, body and spirit.

These tools will bring you more awareness of your own inner workings, so you can break free of codependency and live life with intention, freedom and self-love.

Please take a moment to go check your email inbox, spam and social folders.
Whitelist info@victoriaalbina.com or drag-drop an email from me into the "primary" folder so you don't miss a thing!.

Victoria Albina Breathwork Meditation Facilitator

Hello hello my love.

I'm so glad you're here to download your free meditations to help you connect inward to calm and soothe your perfect mind, body and spirit.

These tools will bring you more awareness of your own inner workings, so you can break free of codependency and live life with intention, freedom and self-love.

Please take a moment to go check your email inbox, spam and social folders.
Whitelist info@victoriaalbina.com or drag-drop an email from me into the "primary" folder so you don't miss a thing!.