Blog
Letting Other People Be Wrong About You
I want to talk about the magical secret to joy that is found in letting other people be wrong —about you, about science, about fashion, about astrology, about what they heard you say, what they’re interpreting what they heard you say to mean—about all of it. This matters because it’s a big topic for us,…
Read MoreWhat is a Relationship Green Flag?
A relationship green flag is a sign that a relationship may be a healthy and interdependent one based on mutuality and reciprocity. I’d posit that the more we focus our minds and hearts on seeing the good and believing the good is out there and the more we can cultivate a relationship to ourselves to…
Read MoreHonoring Your Yes and How to Say No
Honoring ourselves—our wants, needs, capacities, desires—is often at the bottom of the list of things we do from our codependent framework. We say yes when we want to say no because we want to keep people happy. You can shift out of those unhelpful habits. You can live an intentional and deeply radically honest life,…
Read MoreTop 5 Codependent Relationship Mistakes
One of the biggest challenges we face as codependent thinkers is our relationships, all of them—friends, romantic, familial, work relationships and our relationship with ourselves. And particularly our most intimate relationships, our romantic ones, because codependency is a relationship issue—it’s about how we relate to ourselves and the world around us. For most of us,…
Read MoreThe Inner Critic: 3 Steps to Manage Your Gremlins
I want to share three tools I use when my inner critic gremlin comes out to eat emotional pizza after dark. They are: awareness, acceptance, action. Awareness When my inner critic gets loud, I used to think that it was me talking. I didn’t know about internal family systems, which is the work of recognizing…
Read MoreNervous System Resourcing: Anchor Yourself in You
The nervous system is the missing link for so many of us when it comes to our mental and physical health. Understanding how our emotions impact our bodily wellness, how our minds and bodies communicate and are one, and this lens of the nervous system is such a powerful tool for grounding and centering ourselves…
Read MoreCatastrophizing: Reparenting is the Antidote
One of the thought patterns I see all the time—and used to do myself (ok, I still sometimes do it now)—is catastrophizing. Something small goes wrong or maybe nothing at all is wrong, and your brain spins a tale of the actual worst possible scenario. Maybe you find a bump on your arm, and your…
Read MoreOf Course You Did: A Tool to Stop Judging Yourself
Judging others is part and parcel of the codependent, perfectionist and people-pleasing way of being. Because we source our worth externally not from within ourselves, we are so scared of being judged by others, because in our unmanaged minds their opinion of us is more important than our opinion of us. So we judge everyone…
Read MoreAre You Being Nice or Kind: How Authenticity is Kindness
What’s the difference between niceness and kindness? Humans socialized as women, in particular, are trained to be nice—to put others and their wants and needs ahead of our own, to self-sacrifice, to be the martyr, savior and saint, to be the fixer. There is also a very specific story about what Nice looks like that often…
Read MoreAnxious Relationship Rushing: Why Pausing is Sexy
Anxious attachment in relationship is the kind I see most in us externalizers—folks with the thought habit of basing our sense of self worth in other people, in their thoughts and feels, their needs and how we can meet them, their opinion of us. From our codependent anxiety, we tend to cling, to put other…
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