Posts Tagged ‘reparent’
Emotionally Immature Parents
Often at the core of our codependent, perfectionist, and people-pleasing habits are emotionally immature parents. Our parents are older than us, and as children, we would understandably look to them for wisdom and guidance. But parents are fallible human people like us too. They have their own baggage, trauma, issues. They have their own upbringing…
Read MoreHonoring Your Yes and How to Say No
Honoring ourselves—our wants, needs, capacities, desires—is often at the bottom of the list of things we do from our codependent framework. We say yes when we want to say no because we want to keep people happy. You can shift out of those unhelpful habits. You can live an intentional and deeply radically honest life,…
Read MoreThe Inner Critic: 3 Steps to Manage Your Gremlins
I want to share three tools I use when my inner critic gremlin comes out to eat emotional pizza after dark. They are: awareness, acceptance, action. Awareness When my inner critic gets loud, I used to think that it was me talking. I didn’t know about internal family systems, which is the work of recognizing…
Read MoreCatastrophizing: Reparenting is the Antidote
One of the thought patterns I see all the time—and used to do myself (ok, I still sometimes do it now)—is catastrophizing. Something small goes wrong or maybe nothing at all is wrong, and your brain spins a tale of the actual worst possible scenario. Maybe you find a bump on your arm, and your…
Read MoreThe Dangers of False Pre-Apologizing
Do you find yourself apologizing for having needs and wants? For setting a boundary? For taking care of yourself? Do you over-justify those needs and wants along the way? Do you apologize for things that just don’t need an apology like being a human with a human body or a woman with an opinion? So…
Read MoreGlimmers: An Antidote to Triggers
The world right now can feel extra trigger-tastic as we spend so much time indoors, in our homes, with our partners, families, roommates, or on our own, in quarantine, a pandemic swirling outside. If you have codependent thought habits, or your quarantine pod is one where codependency, indirect communication, or other challenging relationship patterns are…
Read MoreAntidotes to Control: Focus on What You Can Choose
It’s alluring to think we can control anything other than ourselves, that telling others what to do, how to do it, when, where, and why will help you to feel less out of control. But nothing could be farther from the truth, my love. Seeking control leaves you feeling out of control. There are ways…
Read MorePerfectionism: Keeping Your Enemy Close
Perfectionism is a mindset, a thought habit, often informed by your childhood and societal lessons. A belief that you are anything other than completely perfect and worthy of love exactly as you are. This thought habit can keep you chasing your proverbial tail, always trying to prove your worth to the world and to yourself.…
Read MoreBegin to Heal Intergenerational Codependency
Codependent thinking habits can be so ingrained in us that we don’t even recognize when we’re having them. Putting others before ourselves and caring more about what other people think of us than what we think of ourselves are classic signs of codependency. And while codependent thinking is so often thought to be the product…
Read MoreUnconditional Love: Because it Feels Good
One of the most important things I can share with you, my darling, is the power of unconditional love for yourself and all the people in your life. Unconditional love doesn’t mean self-sacrifice, or condoning, or approving of behaviors or beliefs that are in line with your own. Unconditional love is a gift you give…
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