Posts Tagged ‘people pleasing’
Letting Other People Be Wrong About You
I want to talk about the magical secret to joy that is found in letting other people be wrong —about you, about science, about fashion, about astrology, about what they heard you say, what they’re interpreting what they heard you say to mean—about all of it. This matters because it’s a big topic for us,…
Read MoreHonoring Your Yes and How to Say No
Honoring ourselves—our wants, needs, capacities, desires—is often at the bottom of the list of things we do from our codependent framework. We say yes when we want to say no because we want to keep people happy. You can shift out of those unhelpful habits. You can live an intentional and deeply radically honest life,…
Read MoreThe Inner Critic: 3 Steps to Manage Your Gremlins
I want to share three tools I use when my inner critic gremlin comes out to eat emotional pizza after dark. They are: awareness, acceptance, action. Awareness When my inner critic gets loud, I used to think that it was me talking. I didn’t know about internal family systems, which is the work of recognizing…
Read MoreAttachment Styles 101: You Can Change Yours
Coming from our codependent, perfectionist and people pleasing thought habits, our go-to in dating, in relationships, in pretty much every aspect of our lives is to live on good ol autopilot—from habit versus intention. One of my life goals is to live my own life from awareness, intention, checked-in-ness and to support you in doing…
Read MoreHurt Feelings: Why You Don’t Need a Thicker Skin
I was talking with my client Eline the other day about this shift from being reactive in the world to being responsive. About noticing feelings and becoming aware of them. About learning to pause when you feel that little flood of anxiety, worry, upset, annoyance. When you feel that ping or zap in your belly that…
Read MoreSaying Yes from Obligation: How to Say No from Love
When we believe that the only way to feel good about ourselves is to look outside of us, to get other people, our job, our career title or credential, our anything and everything to fill that whole in your heart that says “I’m not good enough unless other people say I am” it makes so…
Read MoreCuriosity Rules: Why It’s so Important to Get Curious
Humans are such funny animals. We are born these wildly curious creatures who put literally everything we can reach into our mouths. We explore the world with this passion and excitement. We are born soooo curious, so comfortable in not knowing anything. Curiosity is powerful. It helps us live with a big open heart, trust…
Read MoreSomatics 101: Learn Transformative Somatic Practices
The field of somatics is where this bodymind connection is studied and explored and given the space to be felt and understood. It can be summarized as Susan McConnel says, in the felt shift from “I have a body” to “I AM my body.” The changes that I see in my clients when we bring…
Read MoreWanting a Goal vs. Wanting a Feeling
The kind of thinking, “I’ll be happy when,” can be so problematic because of what it does to the now. It takes us out of this present moment, our present feeling. It posits the thought error that you will feel something different when your circumstances change. It’s disempowering and leads to so much suffering now…
Read MoreThought Work 101: A How-To Guide
The Thought Work Protocol is a framework I use in my coaching practice. It’s based in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, a top-down approach to understanding how humans operate in the world. With my clients I pair this top-down, brain-to-body framework with a somatic, body-based approach. Our nervous system runs the show too, our habitual experience of life…
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