Posts Tagged ‘inner child’
Emotionally Immature Parents
Often at the core of our codependent, perfectionist, and people-pleasing habits are emotionally immature parents. Our parents are older than us, and as children, we would understandably look to them for wisdom and guidance. But parents are fallible human people like us too. They have their own baggage, trauma, issues. They have their own upbringing…
Read MoreThe Inner Critic: 3 Steps to Manage Your Gremlins
I want to share three tools I use when my inner critic gremlin comes out to eat emotional pizza after dark. They are: awareness, acceptance, action. Awareness When my inner critic gets loud, I used to think that it was me talking. I didn’t know about internal family systems, which is the work of recognizing…
Read MoreCatastrophizing: Reparenting is the Antidote
One of the thought patterns I see all the time—and used to do myself (ok, I still sometimes do it now)—is catastrophizing. Something small goes wrong or maybe nothing at all is wrong, and your brain spins a tale of the actual worst possible scenario. Maybe you find a bump on your arm, and your…
Read MoreAnxious Relationship Rushing: Why Pausing is Sexy
Anxious attachment in relationship is the kind I see most in us externalizers—folks with the thought habit of basing our sense of self worth in other people, in their thoughts and feels, their needs and how we can meet them, their opinion of us. From our codependent anxiety, we tend to cling, to put other…
Read MoreWanting a Goal vs. Wanting a Feeling
The kind of thinking, “I’ll be happy when,” can be so problematic because of what it does to the now. It takes us out of this present moment, our present feeling. It posits the thought error that you will feel something different when your circumstances change. It’s disempowering and leads to so much suffering now…
Read MoreOverthinking Doesn’t Make You More Prepared
Have you ever stayed up late at night thinking about something that happens the next day because you feared you weren’t prepared enough for it? Rolling around and thinking and overthinking and worrying. Maybe it was a test, a work presentation, an event you planned, a conversation you need to have. Have you ever agonized…
Read MoreFalse Positivity
If you spend about two seconds on social media these days, you may notice the pervasive story that everything is just fine, thank you. This is called false positivity. Now, don’t get me wrong. I love positivity and positive thinking, but unless we’re being realistic and acknowledging and holding space for the pain and the…
Read MoreConflict Avoidance: Learn to Speak Your Needs
When we believe that other people’s opinions of us matter more than our own, sharing our opinions, wants, needs, desires, setting boundaries, upholding them, and entering into challenging conversations can feel, well, challenging. We’ll look at the thought errors behind conflict avoidance and some simple remedies to help you begin to rewrite and reimagine your experience…
Read MoreAcceptance and Closure: The Last Phase of an Apology
Learn what to do if someone won’t accept your apology, how to accept an apology, and finally, how to give yourself closure when that apology you dream of is just not forthcoming. This is a huge topic for those of us living with codependent, perfectionist, and people-pleasing thought habits because our egos and our sense…
Read MoreThe Dangers of False Pre-Apologizing
Do you find yourself apologizing for having needs and wants? For setting a boundary? For taking care of yourself? Do you over-justify those needs and wants along the way? Do you apologize for things that just don’t need an apology like being a human with a human body or a woman with an opinion? So…
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