Posts Tagged ‘codependency’
Letting Other People Be Wrong About You
I want to talk about the magical secret to joy that is found in letting other people be wrong —about you, about science, about fashion, about astrology, about what they heard you say, what they’re interpreting what they heard you say to mean—about all of it. This matters because it’s a big topic for us,…
Read MoreTop 5 Codependent Relationship Mistakes
One of the biggest challenges we face as codependent thinkers is our relationships, all of them—friends, romantic, familial, work relationships and our relationship with ourselves. And particularly our most intimate relationships, our romantic ones, because codependency is a relationship issue—it’s about how we relate to ourselves and the world around us. For most of us,…
Read MoreCatastrophizing: Reparenting is the Antidote
One of the thought patterns I see all the time—and used to do myself (ok, I still sometimes do it now)—is catastrophizing. Something small goes wrong or maybe nothing at all is wrong, and your brain spins a tale of the actual worst possible scenario. Maybe you find a bump on your arm, and your…
Read MoreOf Course You Did: A Tool to Stop Judging Yourself
Judging others is part and parcel of the codependent, perfectionist and people-pleasing way of being. Because we source our worth externally not from within ourselves, we are so scared of being judged by others, because in our unmanaged minds their opinion of us is more important than our opinion of us. So we judge everyone…
Read MoreAnxious Relationship Rushing: Why Pausing is Sexy
Anxious attachment in relationship is the kind I see most in us externalizers—folks with the thought habit of basing our sense of self worth in other people, in their thoughts and feels, their needs and how we can meet them, their opinion of us. From our codependent anxiety, we tend to cling, to put other…
Read MoreAttachment Styles 101: You Can Change Yours
Coming from our codependent, perfectionist and people pleasing thought habits, our go-to in dating, in relationships, in pretty much every aspect of our lives is to live on good ol autopilot—from habit versus intention. One of my life goals is to live my own life from awareness, intention, checked-in-ness and to support you in doing…
Read MoreTrauma Therapy and Somatic Practices with Andrea Glik
Victoria: You are a trauma therapist, you have studied a bajillion different modalities, and I would love to talk about what’s going on in the world of trauma support, trauma therapy these days, where you see things going. I think I’ll just open it up to you. Andrea: Certainly there’s a lot more of a…
Read MoreHurt Feelings: Why You Don’t Need a Thicker Skin
I was talking with my client Eline the other day about this shift from being reactive in the world to being responsive. About noticing feelings and becoming aware of them. About learning to pause when you feel that little flood of anxiety, worry, upset, annoyance. When you feel that ping or zap in your belly that…
Read MoreChoosing the Wrong People: Why You’re Not Broken
For years, I was told that I had a broken picker—that I picked the “wrong people” to date, picked the wrong friends, the wrong jobs and confidants because my picker was broken. And I believed it. I was in a challenging place in my life, a vulnerable-feeling place, and I believed what I was told…
Read MoreOf Course They Did: A Tool for Accepting People
Back in the mid-90s my sister, Maria Eugenia, and I came up with this super helpful way of navigating the world together. We didn’t realize we were coming up with an absolutely brilliant coaching tool but we were! So this tool is a way to live in true acceptance of the people in our lives…
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